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It is a challenging business these days for teachers to stay on top of each and every child’s home situation.
Written September 6, 2004
Gwen Randall-Young
It is a challenging business these days for teachers to
stay on top of each and every child’s home situation.
Gone are the days when an educator could simply assume
every child lived in an intact nuclear family with his or
her biological parents.
Nonetheless, it is important to make some general
accommodations that will cover any child’s unique
circumstances. I think most teachers are tuned in to giving
children options when making special items for Mother’s Day
or Father’s day, allowing children to make their project for
a grandparent, aunt or uncle, if the primary parent is not
in the child’s life.
Slower to come is the recognition of stepparents. A child
should be given the option of making two cards, gifts etc.
if they wish—one for the parent, and one for the stepparent.
This choice should be left to the child without any
pressure. Parents or teachers should not place
responsibility on the child for appeasing the egos of all of
the adults in their lives. Allow the child to do what is in
his or her heart, without imposing any guilt. It is not the
child’s fault that he or she may have two sets of parents.
All adults in the situation should not read too much into
what the child gives to whom. There is no need to go into a
place of hurt feelings if one is left out. Sometimes
children just want to be like all of the other children, and
do not want to do anything to set themselves apart.
It is also important for stepparents to realize that the
primary parents will always be “Mom and Dad” to the child.
Stepparents are extra people who have been added to the
family because Mom or Dad want them there. The child may not
feel the same, and should not be expected to love these
people just because their parents do.
Love is something that evolves in a relationship, based
on lots of positive experiences. If you are blessed by the
love of a stepchild, be thankful. If you are not, let it be,
and do not take it personally.
Gwen Randall-Young is an author and
Chartered Psychologist in private practice. Her new book,
Growing Into Soul: The Next Step in Human Evolution is
available through her website, along with her other books
and tapes. www.gwen.ca
Gwen Randall-Young
Chartered
Psychologist
www.gwen.ca
