Psychology for Living
Written November 14, 2004
Gwen Randall-Young
Venting anger is usually an aggressive
act. Often the individual expressing anger thinks
he or she is simply reacting to a real or perceived
injustice. They may blame the one at whom they are
venting, assigning to that person’s actions the
justification for the outburst.
No one can “make us” get angry.
The events or behaviors of others are a stimulus,
to be sure, but we, and only we, are responsible
for how we respond to that stimulus. When we choose
anger, we are attacking the other.
This is not helpful for a few reasons:
1) the person most likely did not intentionally
set out to upset us, 2) we may have misinterpreted
their intentions or motivations, 3) anger causes
the other to distance from us, 4) anger generates
defensiveness from the other, or a counter-attack,
5) anger diminishes the level of trust between individuals.
An angry response usually means
that the individual does not have more sophisticated
skills for dealing with the situation. There are
plenty of resources in the library, bookstores,
and on the internet with strategies for communicating
more effectively. If anger is your default program,
its time for an upgrade.
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Gwen Randall-Young is an author
and Chartered Psychologist in private practice.
For more articles and information on books and tapes
go to www.gwen.ca
Gwen Randall-Young
Chartered Psychologist
www.gwen.ca
