Psychology for Living
Gwen Randall-Young
Relationship Troubles
From time to time issues
may arise in any relationship—be it with a partner,
a friend, or co-workers. What happens next depends
on the intention of the parties involved. If the intention
is to prove the rightness or wrongness of our respective
points of view, then, in all likelihood, conflict
will ensue.
If the intention is to
share perspectives, gain understanding, and resolve
the issue, the relationship will be strengthened.
Just as corporations may have mission statements to
keep all aspects of the business in alignment with
its goals, it may not be a bad idea to have some similar
understanding between individuals who share a significant
relationship.
The core agreement between
individuals would be that the relationship is more
important than any differences that may arise. This
cannot simply be assumed, because we all have sensitivities
which may lead us to doubt our importance to others
when difficulties come up. It must be articulated.
We actually need to state that we both agree to hold
the relationship sacred from anything that would undermine
or dishonor it.
When issues must be discussed
, prefacing our remarks with a positive statement
about the value of the relationship and our desire
to eliminate whatever is causing friction, is an important
first step. Care must be taken to ensure this statement
is sincere. Taking a moment to become centered in
our heart before beginning can facilitate this. Making
eye contact with the one to whom you are speaking,
and thinking about how your words might be received
is just as important as the point you wish to make.
Launching into a discussion
of issues without prior thought can result in the
creation of more harm than good. Repeated incidents
can undermine trust in the relationship. With a clear
intention and a thoughtful aim we are far less likely
to miss the mark.
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Gwen Randall-Young is an author and
Chartered Psychologist in private practice. Her new
book, Growing Into Soul: The Next Step in Human Evolution
is available through her website, along with her other
books and tapes. www.gwen.ca
Gwen Randall-Young
Chartered Psychologist
www.gwen.ca
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