People tell me repeatedly that the reason for their
mean, aggressive, or otherwise hurtful behavior
is because someone treated them badly first. If
a behavior is inappropriate, how does the fact that
someone did it first suddenly make it acceptable?
Simply, it does not.
If we think that one
hurt deserves another, we are suffering from a primitive
knee-jerk mentality that we should have outgrown
by the age of four years old. Sadly much of the
human species still functions on the basis of “an
eye for an eye”, which, as suggested by many, only
creates more blindness.
Those who engage in this
type of polarity are blind to the fact that rather
than solving a problem they make it worse. They
are blind to their own part in creating “war” in
their relationships, family, workplace or community.
Further, they are blind to the fact that by responding
in this way they are stunting their own growth.
Forward progress in the
human species depends on each individual taking
personal responsibility for his or her own actions
and behaviors, regardless of what others do. It
is not enough to simply stop our negative behaviors,
but this is a good start. What is required is that
we form an intention to behave in a more evolved,
conscious, productive way, and to state that intention.
We state that we will no longer participate in a
negative process, but will work together to find
solutions.
Stating the intention
may bring disbelief, sarcasm or ridicule, but we
must stay the course. As part of our intention,
our focus must shift to problem resolution, as opposed
to problem aggravation. There needs to be as much
focus on how we need to do things differently, as
on what we want the other to change.
This is the first step
towards peace in our lives, in our hearts, and ultimately,
in our world. We must take that first step, and
then continue walking in that direction.
************
Gwen Randall-Young is
an author and Chartered Psychologist in private
practice. For information about, or to purchase
her new book, Growing Into Soul: The Next Step in
Human Evolution or other books and tapes go to www.gwen.ca
You may contact Gwen at
gwendall@shaw.ca
Gwen Randall-Young
Chartered Psychologist
www.gwen.ca
