Psychology for Living
Gwen Randall-Young
Written August 6, 2006
Freedom of Speech
Sometimes, in an effort to avoid conflict, people keep quiet, rather than expressing how they really feel about a situation. Women in particular often feel that if they disagree, they are creating a problem. Consequently, they end up feeling resentful, angry, anxious or depressed.
In keeping quiet, they also negate their intelligence and their worth. This results in lowered self esteem and confidence, and surely affects other areas of their lives, including their health.
The cure for this is to become an advocate for oneself, teaching others that you have a right to your opinions, and need to be free to express them, without being criticized, negated or put down. Then you
must find the courage to speak up!
If there is someone who discounts your views, will not let you have your say, or becomes angry when you express your viewpoint, this creates a toxic situation. If it is not a family member, you may do well to avoid such a person.
If it is a family member, you can start with a discussion about the need to respect one another, and to really listen to each other. Together you might set some ground rules for communication that you both will honor. If this does not work, then working with a therapist may help.
If the person has no interest in improving the situation, then it would seem that he or she want to continue to bully you. In that case you may need to consider getting out of the situation because it is not healthy, and is certainly no way to live.
Gwen Randall-Young is an author and Chartered Psychologist in private practice. She is the recipient of the Psychologist’s Association of Alberta John G. Paterson award (2003) for excellence in portraying psychological knowledge to the public. Visit her website wwww.gwen.ca or contact her directly: gwendall@shaw.ca Books and CDS available online.
