Psychology for Living
Gwen
Randall-Young
Written Feb. 07 2009
Deep
Listening Shows You Care
"Being heard is so close to being loved
that for the average person, they are almost
indistinguishable." ~ David Augsburger
Communication is so much more than the words being
said. True communication is a very complex process, and it is
a wonder sometimes that we even understand one another at all.
First, let us look at the one doing the speaking. The
speaker may not be saying exactly what he or she would like to say,
or may not be expressing it all that well.
Then consider the
listener. The listener may or may not be paying full attention
to what is being said. Even if really listening, he or she may
misinterpret what is actually being said. The message may be
filtered through the listener's assumptions about what is being
heard.
Listening is truly an art. Caring enough to listen
deeply is a gift. When someone is really listening often they will
encourage us to say more on the topic. They will ask questions
for clarification. We will feel that what we have to say is
important. They will not be in a rush to change the subject.
A sensitive listener will not jump in with solutions or
advice, nor will he take the conversational ball and run off with
it. We will not feel judged or criticized for what we are feeling.
Deep listening is a very active process; it takes work and
consciousness. It requires both the head and the heart. It is one of
the greatest gifts we can give to another. It is the way we should
honor someone who is trusting us enough to share an important part
of themselves.
Gwen
Randall-Young is an author and award-winning Psychotherapist.
For permission to reprint this article, or to obtain books or cds,
visit www.gwen.ca |
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