Psychology
for Living
Gwen Randall-Young Written January 14, 2006
When
Children Call Us On Our "Double Standards"
Sometimes,
in conversation, children hit the nail right on the head. They come out with something
that is an absolute truth, but one parents or teachers simply do not want to hear.
They may ask parents why they get in trouble for yelling, yet the parents yell
all the time. They may wonder why, if hitting is wrong, parents sometimes hit
children. A child who is being reprimanded in class may ask why the “good” student
in the class never gets reprimanded for doing exactly the same thing.
When
caught off guard with these “zingers,” adults may deflect their discomfort back
onto the child, becoming even more angry. However, those questions are very important
to children, and are more than demonstrations of “attitude” or resistance.
Children have a very strong sense of justice. They see adults as the arbiters
of what is fair and just. They look to them to resolve issues with siblings or
peers, and trust them to uphold what is right.
If they see something that
seems to them to be glaringly illogical or unfair, it is their curiosity about
this striking anomaly that causes them to speak up. Of course they have a vested
interest, and that makes them even more impassioned. However, even if the child
is not directly involved, they may observe an adult interacting with another child,
and make the same observations.
Children are smart. They know when they
have nailed us, and if we just sweep their questions under the rug, they will
lose respect for us, just as we do for politicians who beat around the bush. If
we continue to uphold a double standard, we lose more than their respect—we lose
the possibility of having an honest relationship with them, the opportunity to
empower them, and a chance to be very honest with ourselves.
Gwen
Randall-Young is an author and Chartered Psychologist in private practice. For
more articles, or information on her books and CDs go to www.gwen.ca You may contact
Gwen directly at gwendall@shaw.ca
